Totally no mood.Totally feeling lousy. Left with me n joan now. what can we do. How can we find people to join us? really feel like scolding and screaming out of my heart now! actually its everyday..been waiting for their answer so long...now one back out, e other still thinking..need to scream out loud!now i really need!!
Even have a thinking to keep myself alone. dont want anything liao. hate it !
Stress la.
Okay, recently got contact with my long lost bro!=== James brown!! haha.... he ah, got gf, forget me la... den i contact him he only think i got problem den contact him...=x
but realy dun haf ma.... no bf problem, =)
well, he also know abt alex thingy. he say whole church noes, okay, so ask him wan to go see him? haha... kor pei me go okay...=) quite lame--> he in army now, how can he read this?
Btw weixiong say he knows how to dance..., strip dance ? pole dance? omg...=x haha
JUS FOR LAUGHTER haha
so funny la, he say he goin msia to petrol n talk rubbish wit his frens. den come back singapore. so weird la, cuz tml got sch loh, den he say a while only. haha. muz be riding there rite. waste oil leh. haha.!!
he ask me wan to join him? haha.... if i join, i sure scream to hell, cuz i need to scream!! haha
You are why I live for... at -11/29/2006 10:11:00 PM
When someone dies, you should mourn. Weep and wail show how deeply you feel the loss. Prepare the body in the proper way, and be present at the burial. Weep bitterly and passionately, observe the proper period of mourning for the person. Mourn for a whole day or maybe two, but then pull yourself together and reconcile yourself to the loss. Grief can undermine your health and even lead to your own death. Grief lingers on after the death of a loved one, but it is not wise to let it lead you into poverty. Don’t lose yourself in sorrow, drive it away. Remember that we must all die sometime. There is no way to bring the dead person back. All your sorrow does him no good, and it hurts you. Don’t forget that. You will die, just as he did. Today it was his turn, tomorrow it will be yours. When the dead have been laid to rest, let the memory of them fade. Once they are gone, take courage.
Hmmm....
When the dead have been laid to rest, let the memory of them fade. ( how can i ever forget my fren huh? when i cant forget him, how am i goin to let e memory fade huh? never will his memory fade, will still be sad , but will be happy as well. because its impossible not to be sad la, esp when e person will not fade away de=) Once they are gone, take courage.
I will try ...I will really try....
=) smile
You are why I live for... at -11/29/2006 07:06:00 PM
'''reflecting .....Life's useless''' It is useless, useless, life is useless, all useless??
You spend your life working, laboring, and what do you have to show for it?
Generations come and go , but the world stays the same.
The sun still rises, and it still goes down, going wearily back to where it must start all over again. The wind blows south, the wind blows north-round and round and back again.
Every river flows into the sea, but the sea is not yet full.
The water returns to where the rivers began, and starts all over again.
Everything leads to weariness-a weariness too great for words.
Our eyes never see to be satisfied, our ears never hear enough.
What has happened before will happen again.
What has been done before will be done before.
There is nothing new in the world, look, they say, there is something ''new''.
but no, it has all happened before, long before we were born.
No one remembers what has happened in the past, and no one in days to come will remember what happens between now and then.
''A time for everything''
Everything that happesn in this world happens at the time God chooses.
1) He sets the time for birth and the time for death, the time for planting and the time for pulling up, the time for killing and the time for healing, the time for tearing down and the time for building.
2) He sets the time for sorrow and the time for joy, the time for mourning and the time for dancing, the time for making love and the time for not making love, the time for kissing and the time for not kissing.
3) He sets the time for finding and the time for losing, the time for saving and the time for throwing away, the time for tearing and the time for mending, the time for silence and the time for talk.
4) He sets the time for love and the time for hate, the time for war and the time for peace.
What do we gain from all our work? I know the heavy burdens that God has laid on us. He has set the right time for everything. He has given us a desire to know the future, but he never gives the satisfaction of fully understanding what he does.
From Alex's incidence, I have reflected alot in life, and I have became closer to God. I realised that all we can do is be happy and do the best we can while we are still alive. All of us should eat and drink and enjoy what we have worked for. It is God's gift. I know that everything God does is to make us stand in awe of him. Whatever happens or can happen has already happened before. God makes the same thing happen and happen again.
You are why I live for... at -11/28/2006 10:18:00 PM
Young people, enjoy your youth. Be happy while you are still young.
DO what you want to do, and follow your heart's desire. But remember that God is going to judge you for whatever you do.
Don't let anything worry you or cause you pain.( easy to read,easy to hear) but hard to do it.=)
But remember you aren't going to be young very long.
Remember your creator while you are still young, before those dismal days and years come when you say, ''I don;t enjoy life.'' That is when the light of the sun, the moon, and the stars will grow dim for you, and the rain clouds will never pass away. Then your arms, that have protected you, will tremble, and your legs, now strong, will grow weak. Your teeth will be too few to chew your food, and your eyes too dim to see clearly. Your ears will be deaf to the noise of the street. You will barely be able to hear the mill as it grinds or music as it plays, but even the song of a bird will wake you from sleep. You will be afraid of high places, and walking will be dangerous. Your hair will turn white, you will hardly be able to drag yourself along, and all desire will be gone.
We are going to our final resting place, and then there will e mourning in the streets. The silver chain will snap, and the golden lamp will fall and break; the rope at the well will break; and the water jar will be shattered. Our bodies will return to the dust of the earth, and the breath of life will go back to God, who gave it to us.
You are why I live for... at -11/27/2006 09:38:00 PM
Deep in my heart....
I miss my fren ( alex), the one that will nv be back, there is no way to bring a dead person back i know... so i will stay strong , n move on, but it doesnt mean i don;t miss u haha...
I miss my hubby of cuz,( i know he does miss me alot alot too) love you..
I m worried about my dad's condition..as a daughter. i cant do anything. hais
its okay if u all don't know, cuz I dont wan u guys to be worried or feel that i am irritating =)
I Know not many people read my blog..so I dont expect many people talking to me or wat lah...haha
crazy me again.
i jus need someone to talk to me sometimes..but who is e someone? I mean 'someone' as in a fren =)
Yes, i will still be e bubbly, cheerful, happy gal, always smiling and laughing.
but deep inside my heart.............
____________________________
You are why I live for... at -11/26/2006 11:41:00 PM
Alex and his gf( so sweet=)
Alex Alex Alex
I miss you
I know its more than a month that u are gone..
but I still think of you always
I want to see you
I want to hear ur laughters
I want to see ur smile
Yes we are all moving on
I know that as God's child, we should believe him that he will take care of u in heaven=)
but we are all still missing you so much
Hope your family n sis are fine=)
Hope your gf is doing fine=)
You are why I live for... at -11/26/2006 04:45:00 PM
You are why I live for... at -11/24/2006 12:25:00 AM
I'll always be beside you until the very end,
Wiping all you tears away, being your best friend.
I'll smile when you smile & feel all the pain you do,
And if you cry a single tear, I promise I'll cry too.
Thanks to kervin, for listening to my sorrows, my happiness, my craps,my laughters,my crazyness,=) chatting half way and saying who are u ah, <> haha, he will understand that.....Black sheep=) haha ..though we aren't close like we used to talk those days, but we still keep in contact right?! Hope that you will never forget me this fren, Will update wit me your stuffs and happenings, your sorrows,pain,happiness =) U said that when i m sad /down, u will be ther for me...hope its true my fren!
Thanks to TIngyi, listening to my frenship problems....being there forme...=) basically u are a great fren~!
You are why I live for... at -11/24/2006 12:18:00 AM
You are why I live for... at -11/20/2006 01:52:00 PM
You are why I live for... at -11/16/2006 03:43:00 PM
Hope this Post can be more happy....
Today ended school quite early..... around 3 plus to 4pm....
Today supposed to meet my primary school mates at causeway ard 6pm....
So I basically don't know what to do while waiting for my friends....So....
I asked hengkiat and weekiat to pei me...haha...
Went to mac for a while.....then went to walk walk awhile...Hengkiat leave earlier..say want pack bag or table stuffs at home....den pang sey...hahaha
Heard that Wei En reached woodlands already...but didnt go to meet him first...because I don't really know him leh...7 yrs never meet leh....den msn nv chat aslo..=( haha
So I waited for Eugene to reach den I go find them...lol
After a while, Ting Yi reached....=) Went to eat mac ....actually wanted to eat pasta but alot people...then Ting Yi say eat Jap.......me n eugene was like lookin each other....omg...no money haha...=)sorry we are broke..haha
Then, Melinda and Isabella came....So we ate and chatted a while at mac...=)
Eh, thanks ah eugene for helping me to find back my arrow( pointer) in my lappy...haha
Today quite happy ah...... Cuz met with Eugene, Wei En, TIng Yi, Melinda, Isabella....But kervin didnt turn up...=( cuz he broke? hais....
By the way....we took neoprints=) funny lah.......haha
AFter that ard 930 Wei En, Isabella and Eugene left first.... then left me, melinda and tingyi...went shopping awhile....
Chatted with Ting Yi at basement..... till 11pm....talking to her about e 'friendship' thing....
Hope she understands......But its no use even if she understand or not...its more important only if you that i care for this friendship...=)
You are why I live for... at -11/15/2006 11:48:00 PM
But you are not here ...
But how does that work when
You only talk to me when you have to
You only tell me things when I ask
You're only there for me when I call
Oh wait, that's right...
You're never there for me at all
You are why I live for... at -11/15/2006 12:40:00 PM
....Disappointed....
I Cried my Heart out, longing for those Pain to go away...
Today went school, Went class for 1st meeting only...Then decided to pon class.... later got exams...so decided to study for it..so went to library with Hengkiat and weekiat, also with 2 gals duno how to spell their name....But e gals study science, while me,hengkiat, weekiat study for Circuit =( I tried to study and ask weekiat for my doubts, but kept got teased by them... 2 idiotic guys,,,,fine! haha ~! Why RP like that ah....So stress, exams always....Worst is,exams still have to study like normal (everyday)...NO BREAK DE AH? ! stupid=(
Even my manager in work don't believe I got exams evryweek..But its true okay.... I this thursday got exam again, Anatomy science=( , Then next wed got health and wellness exam....
=(
Stress stress..... Studying in this school, its like tearing me apart..... hais.... I need your support....alot alot.... to continue.....
Disappointed, because I didnt know how to do my exam today despite studying.... +I know e guys will start teasing me saying I study also no use dun understand rite...forever that thinking...fine .... I do not have time to do my exam today....half hour paper, to complete 10pages, with like 8qns with alot of sub qns in each qns...=( how to do finish? feel so sian.... i remember today doing half way through my paper, I start thinking of my friend ALEx, haha.... I was like praying, asking him....' alex, pls help me, i need to do well, I have tried my best and have put in effort, I really want to do well ....pls help me...I cant fail...' He is like a god to me liao...haha..always will ask him to help me ....=) He is with god, so he will definitely bless me n help me=) Where are you ... Alex please tell me what to do.... Please pray for me....
I am so sad over my studies, my results, my parents, seeing my dad's condition= breaks my heart, again tearing me apart.... seeing my mum so sad over my dad' condition, crying for my dad= breaks my heart, again tearing me apart.... Please Help me...I need Help....I don't know how to go on.... I know I have to be strong, I will try... I need to be strong, seeing ur gf so strong, she always have so many people to talk to, when she miss u , she can tell everyone, but when I miss you my friend who can I tell? people will think Am i crazy? just friend wat why miss you so much.... but my friend, I truely miss ya, hope u are living well in heaven=)
Treasure your love ones, treasure your friends, treasure your family.
Dear dear can you chat with me?
Kervin can you just crap with me?
Joan can you call me sexy babe and play ard with me?
Kewei can you sing? haha...go kbox!
Kiats family=weekiat,hengkiat, can you both stop teasing me? hahas... let me slap you both, haha,just kidding.... thanks for acc me ....
Pohying- always finding time to go out with me, showing me what a friend can be like=)
Qing, Hwa, shan, Shuai, ting, via,....Missing you 6gals so much, I have no idea when can we meet up together.....My wish is to go out with 6 of u gals one day...together...just 7 of us.....when? PLS TELL ME!!! Those days in secondary school seems so far away from me.....Its like a dream..... cuz its not going to come true always....
Hate the feeling when you did nothing wrong, just showing the care n concern, but you seems like the criminal.... whereby you are thinking are you doing too much? will e person think you are irritating? Hope nope.... This days so emotional....i Just need someone to talk to .... But....hais.... When you need someone to talk to , you can find me? i am there for you always? familar with this sentences? So who is e someone? besides dear dear?
Okay, I know PeiMing is there for me always msg with me, call me when we are sian....we always have the same problem...we are like pillars for each other....haha Okay, Kervin and Ting Yi are one kind too....Kervin can crap with you, n make you feels relax and you know something...he sings so well...hahaa....... big liar say duno how to sing....=) N also liar say you will talk to me whenever I am sian.....But now leh? haha...I know lah, you have ur friends, your things to be busy with...everyone have their life....They have their things and own priorities to do each day... I nv blame you...I nv blame anyone...>I noe in times i cant be there for everyone i told b4 that i will be there for them.... So forgive me....
Thanks to hubby, yesterday came down to westmall to accompany me to eat dinner…. Then today nite, you came to westmall just to meet me too…surprised me…very long don’t have surprises like this….Thanks hubby…. These days damn nice and blessed with you…. Hope will always like that….I will scare too, when we are so close n good, cuz I scare one day you would leave me n I cant take it….
You are why I live for... at -11/13/2006 09:00:00 PM
Thanks....Thanks.....
My fellow friends. there's so many people around. We have new friends and we lose friends. As in really lost friend, that left us in the world. Isit Who I want to meet will really come true?Nope....Specially for Alex Lee(04-05-87) in heaven,Miss you,remembering every time seeing u in church class when we are small....u r always so cheerful n crap around, haha, known u for so long, sec sch also same as you...thank God for giving me e chance to know you....but its still hard to believe you are gone...so far....we will meet again in heaven one day. Pray for you. n we know you will pray for us, bless ! 20.10.06.he's gone. but lives in our heart always.
Wanna meet my 6 gals in a day together. Hwa, Ching, Shan, Shuhui, Mavia, Ting.
Thanks hubby, always there for me, specially came down to meet me for dinner.....thanks hubby...love you always....
okay also thanks to Kervin my fren, always hearing me crapping, and complaining how 'sian' n 'ke lian' I am...wahaha....but you are honoured to have me as ur fren too =) wahaha.....
You are why I live for... at -11/13/2006 12:10:00 AM
Okay, just don't let anything happen to anyone of you my dear friends...
I am worried, I am afraid, I just want to be friends with you all forever...
Today's school, we played musical chair during our 2nd meeting, quite okay..
haha...
Fun thing: Went to library with Joan and Ke Wei, We sang songs together again....Justt like the past last sem=) goint to library to sing song and play piano...Damn funny lah...But its so fun...Love singing....=)
sorry I never told you, all I wanted to say....
You are why I live for... at -11/10/2006 01:54:00 PM
You are why I live for... at -11/08/2006 11:18:00 PM
I am actually very sad, depressed and alot of things un-understood...
But now i m overjoyed!
In my previous blog entry uploaded just now morning..I was saying about my fren alex's...missing him and wanting to see him.... I did mention I miss seeing him online...as I couldn't see him online anymore...cant chat with him in msn as i like...
BUT....
JUST, i saw him online....its his sis....although its not him of cuz...but somehow I am very hapy...
thinking...isit Alex that noe's I am wishing to his him online ...and pass msg to his sis through telepathy? ? to ask her to go online??? Thinking this way may be veri stupid...I know...But its just so qiao~!
Don't you think so?
I nv seen Alex online since e day he is gone, then when I just blogged I wish to see his online n chat wit him...N he is really online !! though not him.... I know i think too much...But i m just so happy.... Hope he can hear me in heaven my fren!
I did talk to him by e way.... in msn...though its his sis....=)
You are why I live for... at -11/08/2006 03:15:00 PM
Where are you...In heaven.....Somewhere so far away from here.Yet you are so near to our heart.. Just that we can never get to see you present in our live now physically...we wont be able to see you anymore...Its been like forever we wont be able to meet you...n see you....
Please come back!! we miss you !!
Seeing your best buddies there so lost, Missing you so much, so many things they want to do with you, so many things they want to talk to you.. and I m sure you have so much unspoken words to say to them...
your best buddy kai is feeling so 'F...' with his life, I can see.... He needs you to be there for him ...He needs to talk to you...this is wat i always see him in his msn, that he just needs you... I wish I am the one that can console him from losing YOU, from losing his GF....Its damn painful...I can feel it... but I know its not the right time, not the right person to talk to him.... He NEEDs you....please come back....Okay I know I am crazy again.....
Do hope that his other friends will be able to help him through this process of pain, But I know he needs you most and what I can see only if you praying for him..like how we have been praying for you each day...I know You will....we miss you....
Though I did not cry like the days when you just gone for 1 week, but I am still very depressed over it...
If you know me good enough, you will understand my feelings...but no one understands HOW I FEEL!!
sobs....
everyday without fail, I will remember you..nv forget you my dear friend, missing you.. YOUR darlings are missing you too....haha
Only if you are alive, we can see the big smile and laughter from you again...n the sun will shine like it's always been..
I really feel so lost too! I can't talk to you anymore, I cant find you in msn anymore, I cant talk to you like i wish anymore! come back !!! We all need you....
SUffering..Suffering!!
You are why I live for... at -11/08/2006 09:04:00 AM
Met 2 of my primary school mates, Kervin and Ting Yi...
We are supposed to meet at 545 at newton mrt....
I ended school early...around 3 pm., but waited for hengkiat, weekiat and joan....
By the time we reach woodlands mrt....its 435pm..then was discussing whether to go home or go straight to newton...cuz if i go straight to newton, i will be too early....haha
Then joan say go novena 'unity square walk around a while den go newton meet my frens...So i agree...
I didn't expect kervin n ting yi to be punctual too.... 550pm , kervin called me....both of them reached...so i faster pull joan n ran down to mrt to get to newton....haha
so weird to see them....i look so slack....hahaha
i look so different though they can recognise me..wahhaa
We went to eat.....haha....
then i suggested to walk to orchard since they are heading there...
i noe i am always suggesting to walk!! haha....
cuz i remember in my 1st yr first sem, I and my team mates went to orchard to eat....that time my school is still at redhill( tanglin) there..... then i suggested lets walk to orchard when we are on our way back to sch from orchard....
And i remember zhiyong long sleeve became drenched!
hahahahha...sweat!
Anyway, back to today's meeting...
We went to orchard then went to take neoprints!
haha.... e kervin was like...No No No...pls...but he took in e end wit us=)
e first neoprint was not nice...so we took another!
haha....
We went to swensen to eat ice cream! earthquake.... haha
N after eating, its late, abt 11 pm...we went finding toilets....and its such a long journey to reach the toilet....diao....haha
Kervin n ting yi sent me home....
then they took cab home...wahhaa
thanks!
Hope you like e chocolate black sheep!
You are why I live for... at -11/07/2006 01:05:00 AM
why?
I have no idea...but knowing I am useless
really useless....
Don't know how to help my dad,seeing him this way really breaks my heart....
Although I don't show how sad I am, in my heart I feel so sad....feel so helpless...
Please recover soon....=)
Feeling so useless now, I don't know what I am doing these semester....
I am so lousy, I duno anything about my work...
its just not me...
I wan my secondary life...
e life whereby i have my frens around me helping me...
sharing everything with me
Not looking down on me when i ask them questions
i wan e teachers in sec sch to have e patient to help me..to teach me...
not like this stupid poly...SO USELESS !!! So stupid...
Okay I know... I am....
But i jus wan back the top 5... its never gonna come in studying in this school
so extra here....so stupid here...... In people's eyes and mind, they see me as nothing,someone whom wont know anything here....
though i try to find e research n stuffs...but i am just nothing .lOl...
Don't know what I understand...
engineering = maths? higher maths? this is wat my teachers , seniors told me before....
but y isit not that way in RP?
WHY WHY'/?
Tired of trying, sick of crying
Yeah I'm smiling, but inside I'm dying...
Sometimes you have to smile, pretend every things Ok
Hold back the tears, and just walk... away...
You are why I live for... at -11/06/2006 11:21:00 AM
Why is it that the most beautiful things in life are the most dangerous?
Sunlight, trust & love are just a few...
In life there will be sunburn, broken promises, & of course, broken hearts
Distance means so little when someone means so much
Distance between two hearts is not an obstacle;
rather a great reminder of just how strong true love can be
Its not about being who everyone elsewants you to be, Its about being yourself and finding someone who loves every bit of it
What I have with him is worth it.
It is worth every lonely night,
every tear I cry from missing him,
and the pain I feel from not having him close.
It is worth it because he is my one and only.
When I picture myself years from now, I see only him.
No matter how painful distance can be,
not having him in my life would be worse
Love is like missing someone when your apart but
Somehow feeling warm inside because your close in heart
You will wonder where he is at night, You will wonder if he's true.
One moment you will be happy, One moment you will be blue.
If you get a chance to see him, Your heart begins to dance.
Your life revolves around him, There's nothing like romance
You are why I live for... at -11/05/2006 09:40:00 PM
Really surprised and happy today.... Didn;t expect so many greetings from so many people...and nv expect to receive so many cakes! its e first time in my life, I cut so many cakes in a day for my bdae.... First is a small slice of chocolate, followed by previous class cake they brought, then by curent class cake they brought...den at night, cake my mum brought=) So blessed! however, in this happy day.. I never forget someone whom is in heaven.... Isit him whom is blessing me from heaven? Cuz it;s really first time I got so many people saying happy bdae and forking in money to share cake for me=) Anyway, thanks alot.....muacks, hugs, love u guys
Dedications:
Big thank you to Papa, mama, for their greetings, their understandings, their guidance, their hard time bringing me up...=) N thanks papa for the dinner days ago to celebrate for me beforehand...And the angbao you give me=) Thanks mama, for buying a mocha chocolate cake for me for at night....=)
Thanks to hubby...for his call and meeting me after sch...for dinner...N singing so many times of happy bdae to me=)
Thanks to kor kor and his gf ....for greetings and for their present they brought for me, t-shirt=)
Today morning, Jieling brought me a small cake, one slice of chocolate cake..=) didn't expected her to buy me a gift...although its small and food, its so touching and appreciated...didn't even expected her to msg me a happy bdae, but she did msg me at midnight=)
Thanks to E35M people, everyone in E35M...firstly, they sang me happy bdae song in e canteen in first meeting breakout...I was so paiseh=) *blushed* Then, after everyone present, one team screened happy birthday jasmine!Surprised...more suprised upon seeing a cake , omg...thanks!u guys surprised me=) Blackforest cake! yummy!!
Thanks to Joan, Kewei, Jimmy,Weekiat, John, Huilian and Heng kiat... For their cake( oreo cheesecake I think).. ITs yummy! thankS! Thanks to the people whom remember my bdae....
SPECIALLY WANT TO THANKS JOAN!! she did alot for me....she is such a great fren...,my closest fren!! my dear! my sexy babe! muacks....love u !! she so good go find out so many language of 'love u ' n tag in my blog...thanks!!
Thanks to people whom send me a little sweet msg to tell me happy birthday....or a testimonal to say happy birthday....thanks alot...really appreciate
Thanks to the following people:
Yanling, Robin ,Huey Yuan,Chea Boon,Aaron ,shiyun, jieling, serene mei ,jakin ,pohying,... cheesiang, xiu xiu, peiching, Hengkiat, Joan ,kervin, Zulikela ,yazid ,Weiwen, azmi ,weicheong who called me ,huishan ,shuhui, weiliang ,Estrella
If i missed out any names, forgive me=)
Thanks once again to..... E35 M ! Secondary mates! One primary mate! One and only darling! Parents!
Last but not least....quite disappointed with somethings...oh some people.... I expected Hweeting to msg me=x cuz she was the one 2 weeks ago told me i noe ur bdae coming and so....But didn't even msg me or wat today...=(
Didn't receive greetings from my best buddies geokhwa, mavia, dexiang...thought they would remember but they dun seems like...=x And jakin asked me to meet today nite actually...but so last min I cant... I told him tml nite meet can...den he nv reply me a ans... sorry anyway...hope u guys will let me noe if tml meeting anot...
-hugs- anyway wish next yr would be better!!
You are why I live for... at -11/02/2006 09:51:00 AM
I don't understand...
I thought you like to be alone....
I thought you said so.....
I am so crazy....
i don't know how i feeling now....
totally craps
stupid feeling....
ARGH!!!
I am so stupid...so uselesss...
sorry for this blog.... you can choose not to read this ...
But not others! haha
You are why I live for... at -11/01/2006 11:31:00 AM